I Can’t Hear You! LALALALALAAAA!!!

Ruh roh.

What’s this?

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Ankles are weird.

That, my friends, is vas-cu-freaking-litis.

What happened??  Is the juicing not working??

Oh yes.  It works.  If you actually DO it.

I went to a funny place in my head this week.  That negative little place with that irritating little voice that says crappy little things.

“You’re too old to go back to school.”

“Juicing probably isn’t really the reason that you’re healing.”

“You can’t pull off flesh colored jeggings.”

Actually…go ahead and listen to that last one.  No, really.  Please.

For some reason I talked myself out of juicing for a couple of days this week.  It was more than the ‘pain in the assedness’ of it.  I mean, yes.  Juicing is a pain.  And expensive. And it it sucks to clean it…blah blah blah…all the stuff we all know.

It was more than that.  It was letting the skeptics in.  And of course, you are your own worst critic.

“How can juicing REALLY be helping that much?  What is it about JUICE that makes my blood vessels stop exploding??  How is that even slightly possible?”

It was a talk myself out of it, cross my arms and pout kind of moment.  So I found myself juicing just once a day.  And then…not at all.

The little voice whispered:  “It’s not going to make a difference.”

“It might.”

“It won’t.  And is this really something you want to do everyday for the rest of your life?”

“Hmmm…I guess not.”

Here is a solid truth.  Dietary changes are some of the hardest changes you’ll ever make.  And definitely the hardest to stick with.  Convenience foods are called that for a reason.  They are convenient.  At the time.  But if they are making you sick then they aren’t convenient at all.

I’m an old school kid.  I was raised on pink antibiotics and chewable kiddie aspirin (remember those?? yum!).  If the Prednisone and Plaquenil and Colcrys had worked I would still be taking them…popping them in 2 twice a day and shrugging off the side effects.  Driving to the doctors twice a week…sitting in the waiting room…sitting in traffic…sitting in line at the pharmacy.  I would have done it all without question.

That total trust in Western medicine?  It is hard to let go of that mindset.  I’ve said it before and I still mean it…there is absolutely a place in our lives for medicines.  But not the whole place.  And not with blind trust.

Is juicing hard?  Yes.  Is making most of our food and cutting out processed food and constantly educating myself a pain in the boohiney?  Yes.

Are there side effects of juicing?  Oh hell yes.  Energy.  Better skin. Thicker nails.  Healthier hair.  NO HIVES OR VASCULITIS.

Are there side effects of the medicines?  Just a few.  Nausea, stomach cramps, loss of appetite, diahhrea, dizziness, or headache, arm/leg/back pain, fast heartbeat, hair loss/color change, mental/mood changes (e.g., anxiety, depression, hallucinations), ringing in the ears/hearing loss, worsening of skin conditions (e.g., psoriasis). serious (sometimes permanent) eye problems or muscle damage, sensitivity to light, vision changes (e.g., blurred vision, seeing light flashes/streaks/halos, missing/blacked-out areas of vision), muscle weakness, severe stomach/abdominal pain, severe nausea/vomiting, easy bleeding/bruising, signs of infection (e.g., fever, persistent sore throat), seizures, shortness of breath, swelling ankles/feet, extreme tiredness, dark urine, yellowing eyes/skin, rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), dizziness, trouble breathing.

And that’s just the Plaquenil.

So shake it off, woman.  For reals.  I don’t know WHY my body seems to react so well to these diet changes but why the hell would I ever look a gift horse like that in the mouth?  And then shoot it?

So what’s important ISN’T that I stumbled.  It’s that I got up.  And back on track.  It’s that I’m going to go register for classes next week and that I have bone broth simmering on the stove and that I’m about to drink my second juice of the day.  It’s that I put duct tape on the mouth of that awful negative inner voice and instead I listened to the whisper of the vasculitis.  The worst thing that has turned into the best thing.  My gift.

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Say Uncle! Say It!

Oh hello there.  How nice of you to join me this evening.  What’s that?  What’s that in my hand?  IS THAT FOOD??

Yes.  Yes it is.

Today on Facebook I announced that ‘Today would be the first day of my 10 day juice fast!’  By 11:45 I was dipping red peppers in hummus.   Oops.

So what happened?  Well…a friend gently pointed out that with the high doses of meds I’m on, I probably shouldn’t be doing an unsupervised cleanse.

True.  But before she even called me I had decided that I was going to eat along with the juicing.  Why?  Well, a couple of reasons.  First up…I’m weak as a kitten.  I made my first juice at 9ish.  By 9:30 I was clutching my french press and weeping while seriously considering licking the yogurt and honey off of Trapezoid’s face.

Why. Don't. You. Just. Try.

Why. Don’t. You. Just. Try. It.

Quel dramatic, no?

But seriously, I forgot how weirdly hungry the steroids make you.  And also…I may have some food attachment issues.  And alllllso…who cares.  Really.  The foods I’m eating are so great right now, what does it matter if I eat a giant kale salad on top of the juice?  Or a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup?  Uh yeah…that happened today.  I ain’t gonna lie.  That thing was de-freaking-licious.

I don’t want to lose weight.  Well, I’d like to lose the face but that isn’t going to happen until I’m off the ‘roids…June 21st but who’s counting? 😉

Am I embarrassed that I made a big declaration and then didn’t stick to it?  I was.  For about 5 minutes.  But I promised myself when I started this blog that I would be TOTALLY honest about this process.  I’m not going to Instagram it.  So yes, juice cleanse fail.  I got scared and frustrated with the horrific vasculitis and the sore knees and I made a rash decision.  (Get it?  ‘RASH’ decision…oh Danielle…you SLAY me!)  But that’s okay.  I want to succeed at being healthy and I think going a little easier works better for me.

I’m still going to juice 3 times a day.  I actually LIKE the way it tastes and I don’t like juice.  It’s Micronutrientastic!  This morning I did carrots/grapefruit/kale/apple.  Awesome.  Then I was still hungry so I tried beet/carrot/apple/kale.  Really good.

Trap gave it zero thumbs up. “I no like this juice!”

Then for dinner I got schooled by the juicer.  I tried beet/cucumber/carrot/kale…and CABBAGE!  What???  Why??  That was a black belt juicer move that I had no right doing.  The juicer Karate Kidded me.  Flicked me right on the nose.  It was SO gross!!  Thank goodness I threw an apple in there at the last minute.  Kyle bravely downed the whole glass (but took a moment to gasp as he finished the glass “The end is the hardest part!”).  Purple tried it and let me know that it tasted like coffee.  I’m not sure if that’s better or worse than his last ‘green bones’ juice review.  Which BTW would make an excellent name for a juice company. (TRADEMARK TRADEMARK TRADEMARK!)

Girl...I'ma bitch slap your taste buds.

Girl…I’ma bitch slap your taste buds.

Also…beets get messy.  It looked like an episode of Dexter in my kitchen.

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FYI your pee will be the same color. TMI? OMG!

On this note, I wanted to share some great recipes we’ve been trying.

This kale salad.  Did you know if you just massage raw kale it breaks down and makes an amazing salad?  I am loosey goosey with this recipe…I’ve never used squash in it, I just add extra beets and throw on some chia seed, ground flax and avocado.  And what the hell is a satsuma?!  I don’t know.  So I use oranges.  I also double the dressing when I make it since we go through it so fast.

Original recipe here:

http://www.veganricha.com/2013/03/roasted-acorn-beet-satsuma-salad-with.html

I like a nice massage and long walks on the beach.

I like a nice massage and long walks on the beach.

This broccoli salad rocks my world.  The key is using the slicer disk on your food processor!  “But I don’t HAVE a food processor!” you say.  Get one.  Get to the store and get your ass a food processor.

The first time I made it, I almost ate the whole thing in one sitting.  Yes, that’s 2 giant bundles of broccoli.  So the second time I made it I went overboard (gasp! shock! surprise!) and made twice as much (see ridiculously giant bowl of broccoli below).  But I forgot an ingredient in the dressing.  So it was bland and I was stuck eating copious amounts of it for the week.  BUT…if you make it right…swoon!

Original not messed up recipe: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2009/05/broccoli-slaw/

Mmmm gassy!

Mmmm gassy!

Chicken in the crock pot.  I was traumatized by my horrific, skin crawling experience of pulling all of the skin off of a whole, raw chicken. (Skinless, headless baby.  I swear.)  So now I just throw the whole thing in there, sprinkle with salt and pepper and turn it on high for about 5 hours.  THEN I pull off the skin.  Then I strip the meat, throw the bones back in the crock pot with some carrots, onions, smashed garlic and bay leaves and turn it on low overnight.  I am overrun with chicken stock in my freezer but since we cook all of our rice, lentils, quinoa and beans in stock it’s getting used up.  And hello money saver because store bought stock adds up!

I know...strain it.

I know…strain it.

The chicken we use wherever but my absolute FAVORITE is this knock off recipe for Whole Foods Chicken Sonoma Salad.  You know the one with the grapes and pecans?  I’ve tried subbing greek yogurt for the mayo but sometimes a girl just needs a nice, fatty chicken salad.

Original recipe here:  http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipe/sonoma-chicken-salad

These slow roasted tomatoes.  They will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!  No.  Well they will TASTE REALLY GOOD!  They literally melt in your mouth.  You can blend them up and use them as a sauce or mix them in with your grains or put them on sandwiches or you can catch your husband standing over the dish with a fork and eating all of them and you can stab your husband with the fork and go to jail but you’ll always have the memories of the lovely, rich tomatoes to keep you warm at night.  Well, tomato memories and Fat Marge.  Good luck in the Big House.

'Big deal' you say.  I'll take your apology later.

‘Big deal’ you say. I’ll take your apology later.

Cook’s Illustrated blocks you from seeing the recipe so I’ll just tell you.

Heat that oven up to 325 degrees.  Thinly slice 4-6 cloves of garlic.  Pour a bunch of olive oil in the bottom of a baking dish.  Scatter half of the garlic.  Slice tomatoes about a 1/2 inch thick.  You really want a nice, thick slice.  Romas work great for this but I just use the most affordable organic I can find.  Place them in the pan.  Scatter the other half of the garlic and pour on a bunch more oil.  Sprinkle with salt.  Bake for 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours.  Kick your husband out of the house.  Remove from oven.  Eat them all.  Don’t be afraid to use lots of oil.  I reserve it to cook with or it’s a great bread dip.

Snacks…this coconut oil bark is amaaaazing!  I’ll give you the recipe I start with but I change it up.  I use honey, raw cacao powder, throw in cacao nibs, chia seeds, a ton of toasted almonds and toasted coconut flakes and right before I stick it in the freezer I sprinkle it with sea salt.  Even Kyle likes it.  Which makes me sad because that means he eats it.  (Yes.  I’ve said it already.  Food issues.)

Original recipe here:  http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/03/afternoon-snackchocolate-bark-made-with.html

The secret's in the salt!

The secret’s in the salt!

And stove top popcorn sprinkled with nutritional yeast.  Do you know about nutritional yeast?  Good for you!  And has this great nutty, cheesy flavor. When I make the kids’ pasta I let them sprinkle it on there and they call it cheese noodles.  Works for me.

From WikiWikiWhat!O’Pedia:

On average, 2 tablespoons provides 60 calories with 5 g of carbohydrates (of which 4 g is fiber). A serving also provides 9 g of protein and is a complete protein, providing all nine amino acids the human body cannot produce. It is also a source of selenium and potassium. While fortified and unfortified nutritional yeast both provide iron, the fortified yeast provides 20 percent of the recommended daily value, while unfortified yeast provides only 5 percent. Unfortified nutritional yeast provides from 35 to 100 percent of all of the B vitamins, except for B12. Fortified nutritional yeast adds 150 percent of vitamin B12 and 720 percent of riboflavin.

But mostly we’ve just been eating…better.  Like this was breakfast for dinner.  Normally that would have been bacon and eggs but now we throw greens in with every meal.  And those roasted tomatoes.  And avocado on toast…and man I want to get up and eat right now but it’s 12:46am and I won’t I won’t I won’t.  Maybe.

I literally want to go make this to eat right now.

Lame pic…not a food photog.  Obviously.

And let me leave you with this.  These potatoes were lame-o.  If you have a Pinterest account then you’ve seen these things 100 times.  I finally made them.  Meh.  First off…what a whupping.  Secondly, you have the get in between every slice with the oil.  Thirdly…am I the only person that can’t correctly cook a sweet potato to save her life??  AT LEAST AN HOUR!  Why can’t I remember that??  Maybe you had better luck?  Maybe you used a striped paper straw to drink Tiffany blue lemonade out of a mason jar while you whipped up a Pinterest perfect version of these potatoes?  If so…kudos to you.  Now go untie your kids and let them eat dinner.

Hope you like lots of cutting for lame eats!

Hope you like lots of cutting for lame eats!

I’m forgetting stuff…I made hummus (so good) and crackers…yes…homemade crackers.  That I can’t eat.  I’ve officially lost the plot.  And so much more but I can’t remember.

I hope this post wasn’t too food boring for you.  I tried stuff (juicing), I failed at stuff (exclusively juicing), I ate a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup (that’s fail/win).  I juiced a freaking cabbage.  I think we all know what category that falls under.

So juice.  Or don’t juice.  But whatever you do…just don’t piss off Fat Marge.

Get That Zombie A Martini

Guess what tomorrow is?? My first appointment with my naturopathic doctor!

Guess what tomorrow might NOT be? My first appointment with my naturopathic doctor. Because this is sitting beside me right now:

"Look at me, Ma...I'm lousy with the bubonic plague."

“Look at me, Ma…I’m lousy with the bubonic plague.”

I knew it was bad when I woke up with this beside me:

"For my next trick...I shall remove your left kidney using only my little toenail!"

“For my next trick…I shall remove your left kidney using only my little toenail!”

Mom confession. I actively dislike sleeping with my kids. Before I had children I thought I would love it. And we co-slept for the first 10 months. But then it just all went downhill. Don’t get me wrong…I love those first 30 minutes when they first climb in with us. They are all warm and sleepy and snug and sweet. Then they fall asleep and start doing what I like to call, “The Rotating Starfish”. This move somehow allows them to shove a big toe up each one of your nostrils while simultaneously kicking you in the groin with that phantom sleep foot they grow. It’s an impressive trick but I’m not a fan. So we’re an ‘everyone in your own bed’ kind of family. EXCEPT during times of illness.

Anyway, that is a sad, sick, feverish boy. DOH. Ain’t that just the way. So I called and put a tentative hold on my appointment. Which makes me kind of sad and frustrated. But. It’s all good because…

Last night Bruce Lee told me to ‘be like the water’. What? Bruce Lee doesn’t talk to you in your sleep? Whatever, weirdo.

Well hello there Mr. Lee...hope you like your gals rashy...

How nice of you to join me, Mr. Lee…hope you like your gals rashy…

What actually happened was that I fell asleep on the couch last night.

(Side note: I hate falling asleep on the couch. Subtract couch sleep time from total night sleep time because it doesn’t count. And then by the time I get up and brush my teeth and put on my pjs, I’m wide eyed awake.)

So Kyle was watching…something…I saw the words MMA and immediately fell asleep. But I half woke up to very enthusiastic Bruce Lee talking about water.

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.”

That’s a good lesson for me this week. I’ve kind of been in a ‘when’ mindset. An ice cube, if you will. “When I get this autoimmune under control.” And that’s good. That’s better than an ‘if’. But it becomes so easy to focus on the far goal that I forget to embrace everything else that is happening during this process. I kind of think ‘just get HERE and everything will be better’.

Remember when our house burned down? Most of you know that. In 2011 we lost our house in the Texas wildfires. That’s not a boohoo-poor us statement because let’s be honest…we had a year of inconvenience and now we have a brand new house that kind of rocks my world. But the big statement from everyone after it happened was, “NEXT year will be your year. Just get through this and it will be all good.” When. When this is over then you will be somewhere else. But where?

I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.

My knees stopped working this weekend. Damn. Then they started again. YAY! Then they stopped again. Damn Damn! (That’s one for each knee.)

I guess this is why they call it a connective tissue disease…because it affects your connective tissues. Ohhhhhhh…NOW I get it. It’s very frustrating. It doesn’t fit into my ‘when’.

The downside is that when they aren’t working, I look like I fool when I try to get up off of the floor. It’s a very dramatic, embarrassing roll over and grab onto something to pull myself off of the floor.

The upside? Well the upside for YOU is that if you friend me before the zombie apocalypse you are almost 100% guaranteed to outrun me. Thereby leaving me to be consumed by zombies. Not like you would, right? Right?! 😉 Meh…it’s okay. I’d probably ditch you too.

In case you can’t tell, we’ve been watching The Walking Dead. I fought it. I didn’t want to watch it but since we’ve canceled cable Kyle has been watching the first 2 seasons on Netflix. Every. Night. It was inevitable that I would be sucked in. What have I learned? Zombies don’t move especially fast but they can definitely move faster than me right now. Which is good for YOU. You’re welcome. Also…there is ALWAYS someone out there worse off than you. My knees might hurt but at least I’m not being chased by a zombie herd.

And isn’t that the truth.

Because you know what is better then the 2 hours of knee pain I had? The other 46 hours of the weekend.

This:

I don't even have anything funny to say...it just makes me happy.

I don’t even have anything funny to say…it just makes me happy.

I watched this:

Mmmm...chunky guy juice...

Mmmm…chunky guy juice…

…and it was inspiring to watch someone else get off of the steroids. But also humbling to see what a slow, patient process it is too. It’s a great movie though, I recommend it. And I’m down from 60 mg/day to 45 mg/day as of today! Yay!

I conquered my first batch of homemade yogurt. Then I completely 100% ruined my second batch. I mean…I KILLED it. I boiled that milk to the point of oblivion. Apparently putting milk on the stove to boil and then meandering outside to sit and rock for awhile is a ‘bad idea’.

I absolutely stuffed my body with healthy, nourishing food. When I told Kyle that I had made him a delicious dinner last night, he gave me an enthusiastic, “Awesome!”. And when I told him that dinner didn’t involve lentils, he paused and said, “Oh that is SUPER AWESOME!” The point is that 24 hours of the day I’m married to a lovely man who supports me 1000%. Even if he does suck at diaper sizes.

And last but not least I read my medical records that I picked up for my naturopathic doctor. If you want fascinating reading, I suggest picking up your medical rec-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Holy boring. I don’t know what I expected?

“Patient has a sparkling wit and great taste in earrings. I’d prefer if she’d wear underwear to her appointments.”

I'd like to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti...

This is how I show up in his office every week. Adorable, no?

Or…”Patient appears to be used by her children as a jungle gym…perhaps suggest she uses my beach house for a week of relaxation. After all, she is paying for it.”

"Wheeeeeee...vasculitis slide!"

“Wheeeeeee…vasculitis slide!”

Instead it was mostly stuff like, “Patient has vasculitis.” “Patient still has vasculitis.” “Patient is being a pain in the ass and continues to show up in my office with this vasculitis.”

Like Deepak said during my 43.2 seconds of successful mediation…my health is like a snapshot. It will never be the same from one moment to the next. I just need to embrace the moments of feeling good. And also embrace the moments of feeling crummy but then discard them and move on. At least I think that’s what he said…I had a child sitting inside each of my ears.

So I will TRY to be water. If my knees hurt, that’s the shape I’ll take. If I wake up covered in rashes and vasculitis…then that will be my shape for that moment. But just for that moment. Until I’m ready to pour myself into another vessel.

Just don’t judge me if it’s a martini glass. 😉

I Love You Rocky Dennis.

Hey kids.  Did I ever tell you about the time I frightened the girl at the Time Warner Cable office with my misshapen face?  Probably not, since it just happened yesterday.

First things first.  We canceled cable.  Because we are enlightened people who yearn to play chess and hold spirited political conversations rather than melt our brains with television.

Naaaah.  It’s all part of Budgetopocolypse 2013.  I’d watch Snapped marathons until my eyeballs bled if it was up to me.  Fascinating.  And it keeps the husband in line.

Pearls!  Lipstick on a napkin! A lit match!  Those are all signs of quality television show, amiright??

Pearls! Lipstick on a napkin! A lit match! Those are all signs of a quality television show, amiright??

So.  I woke up yesterday with the usual 38lbs of drooling toddler chunk sitting on my chest.  The additional 48lbs wandered in a few minutes later and the day began.  Except.  I noticed my face felt kind of weird when I talked.  I didn’t really think too much about it, what with the 86lbs of children earrings I was wearing into the kitchen to make breakfast but eventually (after milk milk cereal cereal smoothie smoothie I wanted the bulldozer spoon NO MINE NO MINE MOOOOOOOOOOM!) I made it to a mirror.

And. Oh. Em. Gee.

I was lumpy.  Lumpy like Rocky Dennis. Remember him?  The kid from Mask.

Awwww…that’s awful.  Of course I didn’t REALLY look like Rocky Dennis.  Just like I don’t REALLY have jowls like Winston Churchill.  I just FEEL like I do.

Also…I loved Rocky Dennis.  Remember the hot rock for the color red and the icy rock for the color blue?  So sweet.

But I digress.  Back to my face.  Or what used to resemble my face.  Lumpy.  Like, big weird lumps under my skin.  Forehead, chin, the bridge of my nose was swollen.  My cheeks felt like they had 2 square inches of hard pads underneath them.  I looked like one of those women who thought it would be a golly-gee-swell idea to get $50 collagen injections from a ‘doctor’ in a ‘clinic’ in South America.  Only to be shocked later on to find out he had used donkey urine.  I looked like Priscilla Presley…and not the Elvis Priscilla…

But wait…there’s more!  Order your weird misshapen face right now and we’ll throw in a new mystery rash!

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Anybody got a needle and thread? Cause I’m ripped.  Seriously…check out those guns!

Gross, right?  I know I publish a lot of weird pics but that’s mostly for anyone else ever looking for answers.  And the occasional vasculitisophile (hey, I ain’t judging).

I call my rheum and explain the symptoms to his nurse.  She calls me back and tells me that the doctor wants to see me the next day to check out my vasculitis (check it out, Doc…it’s STILL there!).  As for the lumps and arm rash?  He thinks it sounds like steroid induced acne and that I need to see my dermatologist as soon as possible to make sure.

Uh…no.

First of all, ANOTHER gross side effect??  Second of all, it’s NOT acne.  I had a wildly overactive sebaceous gland through my 20s so I know from acne.  And this ain’t it.

"Leave Mommy alone...she's finding her happy place in here."

“Leave Mommy alone…she’s finding her happy place in here.”

Now if it was up to me I would have hidden in the house all day.  It was that bad.  But as you may have guessed…I miiight…just maaaaybe have a little problem with procrastination.  And I MAY have put off returning the cable equipment until the last day.  Of the 14 day return period.  Oooof.  AND we were out of milk.  Double oooof.  I had to lump it up and leave the house.  No problem though, Time Warner has a big equipment return box right outside the office…I don’t even need to go in!

Except they don’t anymore. Which means me and Lumpy (I consider my face to be its own entity by this point) have to get both kids and all of the equipment out of the car, into the office and past the ‘Take A Number’ machine.  It’s a machine that pops out tickets.  It may as well be a chocolate covered clown juggling puppies.

I herd them into some chairs and YAY I’m the next number.  Phew. I luck out a second time and get the world’s most uninterested ‘customer service’ girl who doesn’t even look up at me.  Score.  I heave the bag with all my equipment up onto the counter.  She sighs a sigh that lets me know I’m perhaps the stupidest person that ever lived and informs me that I need to take everything out of the bag myself.  No problem, lady, just keep staring at your nails…do not look at my face.  I start to pull out the equipment.  Modem…other computer thingy…dvr…remotes…oh, did I forget to mention that my other half had been kind enough to unhook and pack everything up for me the night before?  Did I forget to mention that he didn’t dust or wipe off one thing so as I’m pulling out the equipment, herds of dust bunnies are stampeding and swirling through the air.  Through. The. Air.  Some of my hair is mixed in there.  It’s pretty gross and embarrassing (hey…it’s been living under the desk behind a box!).  This startles her.  She looks up at my face. I see her eyes widen.  I see her glance at the rash on my arms where my sleeves have fallen back because I’m literally trying to catch dust bunnies in the air.  I’m half laughing and half apologizing and mumbling something about killing my husband.  I look like a rashy fool.  But an apologetic rashy fool.  And what does she do?  She reaches for her hand sanitizer.  Twice.  That girl stared at all of my weird crap and then she sanitized herself.

Now part of me doesn’t blame her.  I’m obviously a mess.  But the other part of me is pissed.  So I stopped apologizing.  I signed my receipt.  Then I licked the side of her face and left.

Nooooo.  But I wanted to.

Flash forward to this morning.  I wake up and my face is back to normal!  Yay!  But my arms still look like I thought it was a good idea to reach into a fire. Booo.  I drop the kids at school and head up to see the doctor.

Here’s the good news.  I got taken off of 2 of my meds today.  Wooot!  I asked to be taken off of the Colcrys (the gout medicine).  First of all, what is it really doing?? Second of all…it costs $225.  A month.  He agreed that we could stop it.  He looked at my arms and immediately expressed concern that I was having an allergic reaction to the Plaquenal, so that is out too.  Happy dance!  Then we had a nice talk about steroid side effects.  He restated that although this wasn’t steroid induced acne, it was a future possibility but I assured him that I was holding out for enough facial hair to grow a hipster mustache that I could diabolically twirl while tying young girls to railroad tracks.  I also informed him that my face was getting fat to which he replied, “I know.”  That’s it…I’m bringing the kids with me on the next visit.  That’ll learn him.

"Now I shall untie you and make you babysit my children!  MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

“Now I shall untie you and make you babysit my children! MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!”

Then it’s downstairs for more bloodwork and upstairs to my derm for skin biopsy #5…I’m getting pretty scar-o-licious.  Don’t be jealous.

(Have I mentioned that I think my dermatologist might be 14 years old?  The first time I had to stand in front of him in my underwear I half expected his mom to bust into the room and yell at me to put my clothes back on.)

Aaaaaanyway…I ask the him if this could be sun related??  We all laid on the grass on Sunday and looked for cloud pictures for a long time and even though I stayed in the shade, I have been reading that people with autoimmunes can be sun sensitive.  He thinks it might be something called polymorphis light eruption.  Basically women with ‘rheumatogical issues’ (oh I’ve got issues all right) have this problem in the spring when the sun is higher and hotter.  Weird, right?  It should stop happening by summer but he recommended some good sunscreens.  But we’ll still wait for the biopsies for final results because it could still be a drug reaction.  “We’re seeing more of that with Plaquenal users lately…it might be a manufacturing change.”  Well that’s just fantastic.

Anyway, to make a loooong blog post even longer, something happened today that made me think of you guys.  I had the sweetest Thai phlebotomist with an accent so thick I could barely understand her.  Right as she was getting ready to take my blood another tech stuck her head into the room and asked her for help with a ‘difficult patient’ (of course I’m immediately picturing blood spraying everywhere).  My tech started to take my blood but I told her to go help the other lady first.  When she came back she gave me a hug and said, “You were so sweet to share, you were just so sweet to share.  Thank you.”  I thought that was a funny way to phrase it but then I thought about it and I realized she meant that she was thanking me for sharing my time.  And that’s when I thought of you guys.  The love and support I’ve received from this blog already have been overwhelming.  I’m blown away with I see the number of people who have visited this page.  You choose to take time out of your day to read this and I want you to know what that means to me. So thank you. You are so sweet to share.

xo Danielle

P.S.  I have my first appointment with a naturopathic doctor on May 7th!  Yay!!  It’s a 3 hour appointment and she sounds amazeballs!

P.P.S.  I didn’t want to do my pantry today but I DID!!!!  However I’ll blog about that tomorrow since this one got a little long-winded.  But here is a quick pic:

Oooh it's purdy!

Oooh it’s purdy!