Today I’d like to talk to you about a serious problem.
A problem that affects 99/100 parents around the world.
PoopJacking occurs when a small child opens their bedroom door during nap time to tell you, “Mommy, I poo pooed.”
And when a nap is PoopJacked more than 20 minutes in, the results can be devastating. Just enough sleep to feel rested. Not enough sleep to avoid channeling Nick Nolte by 5pm.
Signs that you’ve been PoopJacked may include the following:
- Unfinished coffee (with the weird milk skin on top).
- Unfolded laundry.
- Desperate calls to your spouse to ‘please just pick up a pizza!!’
- Greasy hair.
- Unwritten blog posts.
- Changing a diaper with your eyes closed to try and convince the toddler that, ‘Look! It’s still sleepytime! Everyone is sleeping! See?? ZZZZZ!!’
- A 2 year old that will be awake for 13 consecutive hours and is wired like a spider monkey on crank.
- Uncontrollable crying. You, not the kid.
But there is hope.
In 16 years, your toddler will be ready for college and you will finally be able to get stuff done. Unless your husband has retired because then you’ll just have a different bored person following you around.
Until then, just stuff the kids with cheese and hope for the best.
PoopJacking. Funny name. Serious condition.
P.S. I was compelled to write this after I really changed a diaper while pretending to sleep. Lame.