You’re A Jackwagon.

The following is a real life phone conversation between me and the hubs.  No husbands were actually harmed in the making of this conversation.  Barely.

My phone rings.  It’s Kyle on his way home from work and he’d like to know if we need anything from the grocery store.  Which is sweet, I KNOW.

Me: Uhhh…diapers and milk.  (Always with the milk.  Can we just buy a cow, already??)

Kyle: No problem.  By the way, I have told you what an amazing woman you are? Every time you walk into a room, my heart skips a beat…you…complete…(sob)…me…

Okay…he might not have said EXACTLY that…probably something more like:

Kyle:  No problem.  Can you check and see if I need deodorant?

Yeah…that’s more likely what it was.  Plus, I guess it’d be weird to see a huge, burly guy sobbing in the diaper aisle.  Unless it was the sleep deprived father of a newborn and then that would make total sense.

End call.

2 minutes later the phone rings again.

Me:  Yeeeeees…(Obviously I’ve seen the caller ID so I know it’s Kyle. I’m about 154% sure what his question will be.  And the answer has been the same for about a year.)

Kyle:  Uhhh…what size diaper does Trapezoid wear again?

Me:  *crickets chirping tumbleweeds blowing silence*

Kyle:  I KNOW I can never remember.  Is it a 5?

Me:  What number is Emmitt Smith?

Kyle:  22

Me:  What was the last year that the Cowboys won the Superbowl?

Kyle:  1996

Me:  What was Tom Landry’s last year with the Cowboys?

Kyle:  1989

Me:  He wears a size 6.  And you’re a jackwagon.

Kyle:  Well that hardly seems necessary.

Really Kyle?  I’m pretty sure 8 out of 10 moms would disagree.

(I know, I know…he’s a freaking awesome husband.  It’s just this ONE thing!  ACK!)


That had better not be a size 5 diaper I see in your hand or I swear in the name of all that is holy I will poop on your bed.


6 thoughts on “You’re A Jackwagon.

  1. Oh come now….you are comparing important dates in a young mans life to ever changing, and somewhat insignificant numbers, like diaper sizes? Does he at least remember anniversaries and birthdays? LOL

    • He remembers my birthday but it was touch and go for awhile until I taught him to just do the ‘peace’ sign for 2 and and open handed wave for 5 (since my birthday is 2/5). So for years you could catch him flashing a peace sign and then waving whenever he was trying to remember when my birthday was…just typing this makes me realize that my diaper expectations are WAY too high for that poor guy! And neither of us remember our anniversary. We just had our 9 year and I had to pull out our marriage license to remember the actual date so we didn’t miss it…talk about a match made in heaven 😉

      • That is an awesome way to have someone remember your birthday! I am bad about birthdays and stuff, I can usually get the right date give or take 3 days unless I have a mnemonic device of some kind. Or if the date or number in question of particular importance or significance. But then again I am the person that can remember 12 different 10 character alphanumeric passwords but I can barely remember my apartment number.

      • Last night we realized we’d forgotten his mom’s birthday. Super fail…we feel like the world’s biggest asshats 😦 I hung a calendar up inside a kitchen cabinet this morning because WE FORGOT HIS MOM’S BIRTHDAY!

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