She’s Got That Certain ‘Glow’.

Scroll to the bottom for a yogurt maker update.

Am I radioactive now?  I can never remember what the CT scan does…I AM writing this while hanging upside down from the ceiling but that might be the coffee I had at 8pm.  Or I’m still reeling from drinking 3 banana flavored barium drinks.  And I use the term ‘drink’ very, very loosely.  I’ve decided that the taste testing focus group they used to come up with the banana flavor was a bunch WWII vets languishing in a nursing home.

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“I remember having this right before we hit the beaches at Normandy! 23 skidoo!”

So yeah.  CT scan today but nothing to report there.  I’ve had a few of them over the past few years and let me ask you this:  How on earth do I always forget how awful it feels when they inject the iodine??  Not painful bad.  Weird bad.  Have you had one?  They warn you… “You’ll…ummm…feel like you’re peeing your pants.  But you’re not.” It’s strange that I never remember that side effect.  A weird, pants flooded warmth.  Not like a ‘Channing Tatum’ happy warmth in your pants.  More like a ‘Tilda Swinton’ confusing kind of warmth in your pants.  And when you swing your legs off of the table you can’t help yourself.  You are compelled to feel for pee.  So that’s classy.

If you follow me on Facebook you’ll know that I’m trying out my new yogurt maker.  You’ll also know that I’m mathally challenged (I know it’s ‘mathematically’ but I like the way ‘mathally’ sounds better) so like an asshat I started the machine at 7:00pm.  For 7 hours.  That’s right.  I get to set my alarm for 2am to screw the tops onto yogurt jars.  Lame-o.  I’m making Judy get up for that one.

It’s kind of a pain because you have to boil the milk first and then let it cool.  See that thermometer?  It’s the second one I’ve owned.  I bit through the glass tube on the first one.  I thought it was the case and couldn’t get it open so I put it into my mouth and bit down.  On glass. Until it shattered. Duuuuuuuh.

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The milk looks good but that glass tube looks freaking DELICIOUS!

So now we wait.  Will it be worth it?  I dunno.  The reviewers on Amazon say it’s the most amazing yogurt you’ll ever have! You’ll never buy store bought again!  It healed my kitten’s broken leg!  As far as I’m concerned, unless it can take a shop vac and a bottle of Windex to the inside of my car it probably won’t be life changing.  But…I did the math (sketchy at best) and it works out to $1.83 for 42 ounces of organic yogurt.  So that doesn’t suck.

So now we wait.

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7…8…9…10…11…12…1…2…Son of a…

And lastly let me leave you with this.

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Waaaaait Foooor It…

This link popped up in my news feed one day.  So I clicked it.  ‘Cause I just can’t help myself!

http://www.modernparentsmessykids.com/2013/03/start-your-day-saying-hello-happy-drink.html

This freaking delicious coffee.  I had a bit of a half & half and sugar problem when it came to my coffee.  Like coffee soup.  But I stumbled across this recipe and I am hooked!  It’s even satisfies my mocha cravings!  I now substitute the half & half for canned coconut milk (this brand is BPA free so no learning disorders for me!  So no MORE learning disorders for me!)  And let me tell you…I tried the light coconut milk for a while and it was ‘good’ but when I switched over to full fat…dreeeeeamy.  And that is healthy fat!!  The raw cacao powder gives it a dark, rich flavor.  Ignore that the picture has a bag of cocoa NIBS.  They were out of powder the other day so I bought the nibs because I assumed they would melt.  Let me assure you…they do not.  At all.  I’ve been chewing my coffee for 3 days.  I even tried whizzing them up in my coffee bean grinder.  That just means I don’t have to chew as hard.  Take note!  Buy the POWDER!!  Anyhoo… It’s sugar free and chock full of healthy stuff.  Plus some people swear it gives you a ‘zing’ of energy.  A teeny squeeze of honey and you’re drinking something pretty awesome.  If I’m feeling extra super fancy I’ll give it a whizz around in the Magic Bullet to make it all frothy.  Who cares that there is a kid peeing on your foot…you’re drinking creamy, chocolatey coffee in your kitchen!

WINNING…even when you smell like toddler urine.  And that’s saying something ;)

Yogurt Maker Update:  I used to get horrible canker sores when I was a kid.  My grandma would pull that giant container of plain yogurt out of her fridge and stand over me while I gagged down bowlfuls of it.  Remember that almost throw up thing you would do when something was just too gross to comprehend?  But you still had to eat it?  Soggy tuna casserole, anyone?  That’s what this yogurt reminds me of…old school yogurt.  Which I think some people would like.  But I’ve only gotten back into yogurt since they introduced Greek style.  Which this yogurt is NOT.  I think I’ll brew (ferment?  yogment?) the next batch longer to see if it will get thicker.  For right now I’m straining it to thicken it up.  A friend mentioned that they sell an attachment to make Greek yogurt?  I wonder what that would be?  A tiny, hairy man with cheese cloth and a fishing hat?  I’ll look into it.

This yogurt tastes extra cottony!

This yogurt tastes extra cottony!

"Judy lets me eat yogurt on the couch!"

“Judy lets me eat yogurt on the couch!”

For the record…my grandma made probiotics cool way before Erin Andrews did.

Last update.  I swear.  With my fingers crossed.

Straining is the key!  It’s delicious!!!  WOOHOO!!!  I mean, it’s work, that’s for sure.  I’m one step away from milking a cow in my backyard.

Yes.  We all know what the liquid looks like, but we're too mature to say it...NO WE'RE NOT!  PEE!  IT LOOKS LIKE PEE!

Yes. We all know what the liquid looks like, but we’re too mature to say it…NO WE’RE NOT! PEE! IT LOOKS LIKE PEE!

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